The Messy Middle: How to Survive the In-Between Season
There’s a part of change no one warns you about.
Not the exciting beginning, when you feel brave for finally admitting something has to shift. Not the triumphant ending, when you’ve rebuilt your life into something that fits again.
The part in between.
The middle.
It’s not glamorous. It’s not Instagram-worthy. It’s the foggy, disorienting, unmarketable stretch where you don’t know who you are anymore but you’re definitely not who you were.
If you’re here right now, you probably know the feeling:
You’ve let go of something, a job, a relationship, a version of yourself.
The next chapter hasn’t revealed itself yet.
You feel restless, lost, sometimes even ashamed for not having it “together.”
This season has many names: limbo, the cocoon, the in-between. Around here, we call it the messy middle.
And as uncomfortable as it is, the messy middle is also where the real transformation begins.
Why the Middle Feels So Hard
We’re wired to crave clarity. The human brain loves certainty, plans, and direction. When life feels unpredictable, our nervous system interprets it as danger.
That’s why the middle feels like panic sometimes: your system is begging for resolution, but none exists yet.
Culturally, we don’t help much either. We celebrate beginnings (“new job!” “engaged!” “moving to Paris!”) and endings (“I did it!” “success story!”). The middle? We avoid talking about it.
Which leaves you convinced you’re the only one flailing.
You’re not. The messy middle is universal. It just doesn’t get airtime.
Signs You’re in the Messy Middle
You may not even realise you’re here but if you are, some of these might resonate:
Decisions feel exhausting because no option feels “right.”
You’ve lost interest in things that used to matter.
You crave change but have no clue what kind.
You feel oddly invisible, like life is happening for everyone else but you.
You’re restless and tired, often at the same time.
You fantasize about radical exits (delete everything, move to a lighthouse) but don’t actually want to act on them.
Sound familiar? That’s not laziness or failure. That’s liminality, the disorienting, fertile space between identities.
The Psychology of the In-Between
Anthropologists call this state a liminal space, from the Latin word for threshold. It’s what happens in rites of passage, when someone has left one identity but hasn’t yet assumed the next.
In nature, it’s the cocoon. The caterpillar dissolves before the butterfly emerges. From the outside, it looks like nothing is happening. On the inside, everything is.
That’s you, right now.
Your old identity is dissolving. The new one is still forming. And that’s messy, uncomfortable, and necessary.
Why We Rush Through the Middle
Most people hate the in-between because it comes with things we’re taught to avoid:
Uncertainty. No map, no clarity.
Slowness. Progress feels invisible.
Loss of identity. You can’t explain who you are anymore.
Vulnerability. Friends and colleagues ask, “So what’s next?” and you don’t know what to say.
So we try to rush. Fill the space with new jobs, new relationships, new projects, anything to escape the discomfort.
But here’s the paradox: when you rush through the middle, you miss the integration. The real transformation only happens when you stay.
How to Survive (and Even Grow in) the Messy Middle
There’s no shortcut through limbo. But there are ways to make it more bearable, even generative.
(01) Rest Without Guilt
This isn’t wasted time. It’s integration time. Your system is recalibrating. Sleep, walk, stare at the ceiling, it all counts.
(02) Allow Not-Knowing
Stop demanding answers right now. Instead, practice holding the question. Sometimes clarity arrives not as a lightning bolt but as a slow dawn.
(03) Journal or Voice Note the Fog
You don’t need polished insights. Just get the restlessness, grief, and sparks of curiosity out of your head. Patterns emerge over time.
(04) Limit Comparison
Scrolling other people’s highlight reels will convince you you’re behind. You’re not. You’re on your timeline, not theirs.
(05) Experiment Gently
Small, low-stakes tests can keep you moving without pressure: try a class, change a routine, explore a hobby. Not as a “new plan,” but as exploration.
(06) Find a Soft Place to Land
Being in-between is lonely. Surround yourself with people or communities who understand this season, where you don’t have to perform clarity.
FAQs About the Messy Middle
How long does the in-between last?
There’s no universal timeline. Some people move through it in months. For others, it lasts years. What matters is integration, not speed.
Is something wrong with me if I feel lost?
Not at all. Feeling lost is often the sign you’re growing out of an old identity. You’re not lost, you’re becoming.
Can I skip this stage?
You can try, but usually, skipping just delays the work. The messy middle is uncomfortable but necessary.
How do I explain this to people who don’t get it?
You don’t owe anyone a polished narrative. Try phrases like, “I’m in a transition and still figuring it out.” Simple, honest, enough.
The Quiet Gift of the Messy Middle
As painful as it feels, there’s a gift here: the messy middle strips away everything that isn’t essential. Without the old identity, without the next one solidified, you’re forced to sit with yourself.
And in that stillness, inconvenient, awkward, sometimes boring, you rediscover the voice that got buried under all the “shoulds.”
That voice becomes your compass.
Final Thoughts
If you’re in the messy middle right now, know this: you’re not behind. You’re not lost. You’re not failing.
You’re in a cocoon.
And while it feels disorienting, it’s also sacred. Because the in-between isn’t where life stops. It’s where the next version of you begins to form.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At Pivoters Club, we built a space for exactly this season, the in-between.
The part of life that usually gets dismissed as confusion or written off as failure. Here, we see it differently. The in-between is where the new story is quietly taking shape.
This isn’t about fixing yourself or rushing into a next chapter. It’s about honoring this one. Pausing long enough to notice what’s unfolding. Even celebrating it because being in transition means something new is being born.
We’re opening soon to a circle of early adopters who want to help shape this community. If you’re in the messy middle, this is for you.
By joining early, you’ll get access to workshops that help you understand each stage of change, tools to make sense of where you are, and a community that knows the in-between isn’t something to hide, it’s something to embrace.
Because the in-between isn’t just a pause.
It’s a beginning.